Happy2Be...

I feel out of sorts lately. I'm unhappy with me, but I don't want to be. I've struggled with these issues in my life for way too long... I just want to live and be happy, but I want to lose weight and be healthier, too. I want to be pregnant, have a family. But none of that is happening for me... the more I try to loose, the harder it sticks... after more than a year of WW, I have switched over to NutriSystem, but it just seems like one more burden. NutriSystem food isn't so bad, but sometimes I just want real, homecooked food. If my friends invite me out for pizza, I want to go without feeling guilty for eating "fattening" food. I just feel like it's such a struggle. I like WW b/c I can choose the foods I eat... but after more than a year I have not even lost my 10%. I got close once, I had 1.4 more to lose and wham, I gained 7 lbs... I haven't been able to get back to that... I lose 2 then gain 3 and lose 4 and gain 4... it's a nightmare...I keep on doing the right things and I even started excercising, but my weight doesn't budge more and a couple of pounds...

I want a family, too, but my husband doesn't... he says he does, but when it comes time to try, well, he vegges out and says he doesn't want to do fertility stuff and he's afraid of adopting and he doesn't want to do foster care because we'll get attached and have to give them back... he's so full of excuses I could scream... yes, it is terrifying and scary and all of that, but we have so much to offer these kids...

But I don't want these feelings... I want to be happy with where my life is right now... at peace... and happy with what God wants from me...